Hello, your Fairy God-Librarian here, and in this post I’m seeking the answer to the question: what does it truly mean to have confidence?
The first thing I did when researching this article was to go to Google and simply type in “confidence” in the search bar. The first hits I got were videos about people with injuries getting surgery to feel happy about their looks again, several Merriam-Webster definitions of the word, Top 10 Lists by Forbes magazine, and a Psychology Today article.
So, I tried the Psychology Today article and the first thing I saw were the words “Find a Therapist in your area” search bar. Well…at least there’s an offer of help available.
Then, there was a video on how to TRICK yourself into feeling more confident…right. A video next to it looked more like a TedTalk. Okay. So, I clicked on the Merriam-Webster definition in order to study the semantics of the word. It read:
Definition of confidence
1 a: a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances.
b: faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way
2: the quality or state of being certain : CERTITUDE
That last part stands out to me: certitude. It’s even written with certitude, in all caps. Being confident, to me, means trusting yourself enough to think and therefore go through life with certitude in all that you do. Sometimes, I tell myself to fake it until I make it, but that concept should be taken with a grain of salt.
It also means accepting that conflict is happening and instead of letting it overwhelm you, you face it head on with clarity of mind and do what needs to be done to resolve the issue causing the conflict. This is something that I personally struggle with; I dislike conflict. I’m not talking about conflict within a literary sense, but within reality. To me, it is the antithesis of peace, and peace is something we need more of in this world.
(Note: I’m only going to focus on the definition of confidence that refers to the above statements. It’s tertiary meaning of secret or discretion doesn’t serve this post’s purpose.)
To me, confidence is to be able to clearly see the conflict, or the flaws, and try to make the best of it despite the potential consequences. Like self-confidence, for example. To be able to look in the mirror, see that you lack what others consider extremely beautiful, and still go about your business without changing a thing. Because you don’t have to. It doesn’t even cross your mind that who you are, if it doesn’t hurt anyone, isn’t already better than enough. Accept it. Own it. Learn from it.
It’s really hard though. Everything in your mind is telling you to change everything about yourself. That who you are is completely inadequate. How do you compete against such strong, intrinsic control?
Really, what I do is get outside of my head. Stop focusing on myself for just long enough to tap into my secret store of confidence. I don’t get nervous so much anymore about what I sound like or look like whenever I teach a class because I focus on my students, not me. I deal with my inferior looks by focusing instead on my outfit; it doesn’t need to be eye-catching, it just needs to be presentable and comfortable. (Lacking a fashion sense definitely makes that a challenge for me, no doubt). Sometimes, it’s just easier to forget to focus on yourself and think about someone or something else for a change.
This is why l like to volunteer, despite the sneers I get from certain people for working without pay. Not only does helping other people without any compensation help provide me with a deeper sense of self-worth, but it also helps me to refocus on what really matters: other people besides myself.
Okay, cue the eye-rolling. I sound like a Disney movie right now. Okay, sure, but just so you know, people love Disney movies. It’s one of the richest companies on Earth for a reason. So, suck it.
I feel that I am becoming more confident the older I get. Maybe not 100% in myself, but I know that I can place the majority of my confidence in a power higher than myself. Yes, own who I am, but without a doubt, I am nothing without the reliance on another’s powers, God Himself.
And that’s a very peaceful thought.
Love,
Lacie 🙂